Monday, May 11, 2009
i cant help but feel scared, ive been checking all my application status online EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY.okay, actually im in
frantic mode, the last day for the acceptance of offer is 1 june, now its already 11 may. 31-11=20 more days for a miracle to happen. no wonder i just cant sleep these past months. i check my phone every single minute, lie down by my house phone the whole day everyday, check my mail everyday, emo-ing the whole day as i keep having negative thoughts thinking, now not only am i ugly, im stupid too, great. awesome, im going crazy. why dont they wanna call me, i didnt do that bad what, right? did i? i have some people telling me not to worry, but till today, i havent got even one call. im desperate, any fucking course will do. i will do anything, anything man. i always hoped that i wont be in this kinda situation, now that i am, everything seems bleak, and you see your friends happy/content with their future in control, or you see your friends fussing over which course to choose, and here i am, going quite mad, cos i only have myself to blame. it sucks badly to be in this state and they will never understand whats its like to have absolutely no control over where your future is heading to, and whats its like to let your parents down, what is it like to try and try so hard, how its like to hide your fear and tears from your parents everyday, how it is like to lie to your parents and assure them that everything will work out and how its like to feel useless and stupid and unwanted and rejected and its only me me me myself to blame. it sucks. dont you ever talk to me about uni unless you want me to go berserk.
1:58 PM